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Relationship experts have spent allot of time examining why relationships fail. A whole lot less have looked at what makes them succeed. By success, I mean, to really like each other at the end of the day/month/year or even years?    Having skills to put into place to ensure success and putting this into practice requires ability to communicate, a commitment to learning, a willingness to grow and develop and the ability to look at one’s self through the others’ lenses, without hostility and defensiveness.  Relationship communication MUST be safe.  Wow – so that’s not easy!! In the 1980’s divorce soared to 45% and in the 2000’s it sits around 55%.      Marital therapy has the lowest success rate of any therapies, which may be due to the fact that often as a last ditch effort, couples attend therapy. Often by then, the relationship may have ceased to exist – emotionally, spiritually and physically for at least one of them. I wonder how we would go, if more people honestly looked at their relationship during the relationship instead of just before or at its potential expiry, or when things have gotten too much for both parties.    My parents were married 53 years when my Mom died. I remember reading in one of her letters, where she wrote… “we have just celebrated 45 years of wedded bliss”. I wondered if she was being sarcastic. I knew my father was not always easy, so I once my Mom, “what makes a relationship work?”. She said “I always put your father first”.  I was very surprised as she was a forward thinking, liberated woman.  So I went and asked my Dad – he said “ I always put your mother first”.  I understand that this is the ultimate commitment to each other, when every day you are attentive to another person’s wellbeing and needs – a harmonious balance of give and take.      Men and women have very different social, emotional and physical needs, men are physical by nature, learn better by doing, and enjoy fixing things and making stuff. When he finds her a source of physical pleasure and they do things together – he is very happy.   Woman are generally less physical and value affection, emotional attention, intimacy (that is non sexual) and only when these are met, will a woman be physically available to her partner.  What is important to understand and learn is that her needs are not his and his needs are not hers. This is true of all relationships however. It is give and take, understanding, communication and compassion mixed with huge servings of empathy and patience!    In order to be in a healthy relationship, one must first fully understand your own emotional and physical needs,  and then fully understand your partners.  This is very challenging for most people, and we are not innately skilled when it comes to relationships – we have to learn these things…  So, let me ask…how well do you understand the physical-emotional aspects of your relationship?   Do you want to really get to know each other better – want to revitalize your relationship? Communicate better?  Improve your love score? Get your needs met better and improve on meeting your partners? We really can help…… give us a call…..3879 2707  – we can help…