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Sex plays an important part in love, marriage and intimacy. Men want sex, woman want love.

This doesn’t mean that occasionally it isn’t the other way around. Generally woman and their sensual sides are quite complex. Great foreplay for  a woman is an in-depth conversation about intimate feelings and thoughts.  Foreplay for men, is something that looks sexy…. the sexes are very different from thought, to need to frequency . Really, truly, deeply getting to know and respect your partner’s needs means you obtain a level of intimacy that is rewarding and intense – it also builds a bridge for working out arising issues…. and they will arise… that’s just love and life..  

Romance and love for woman go hand in hand.  Often after marriage, men have a view that he has got the prize and things should be easier for him now (on the sex side). This guy is soon relegated to the couch.  Relationships are marathons, not sprints – and the long run involves adjusting your stride, learning, listening and respecting each others’ needs fully.  So hey guys – romance and communication equals love equals sex…

I am often asked by people in therapy about pornography. So what about pornography?  The binding thread within a healthy functioning relationship is the commitment to each other. This generally means a monogamous sanctity about you two. Professionally and personally I talk to very few woman who enjoy porn. They often describe it as humiliating and deprecating.  When they tell me, that their male partner says, “all men” watch porn, I say – this is NOT true. All men do not watch porn nor is sexual gratification a survival necessity. It is my view that porn serves selfish sexual gratification for the male, and contributes to woman becoming sexual objects rather than real – live – feeling unique individuals. When women become “objects”, men lose their respect for their needs and wishes. Men then can set high expectations on what they want how they want it and often make unrealistic and perhaps unfavourable demands to get these needs met. Porn junkies lose the connection between flesh, heart and reality with their woman. They seek gratification created from a crass form of excitement, for their own purpose.  Sex, love, intimacy, romance  enhance connectivity and support relationship growth..  Is there room for porn?  not in my thinking …..