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Have you ever said or had someone say to you, “I don’t want to talk about it” or “why do you want to raise that now and ruin a great weekend”?

Both of these issues are pretty common amongst people who do not “want” to feel uncomfortable or are not able to communicate very well.  Perhaps they have a fear about managing themselves or another’s perspective.  But there is a bigger issue here as well… that’s  about power and control…. It is a bit like hanging up the phone on someone – gives the hanger-upper maximum control and leaves the other powerless.   {Please note – I am not suggesting if someone is being nasty and abusive you take it –  that is the one exception where you really want to hang up) but I am talking about communication in general.

When one person has an issue that is important enough for them to raise and they want to talk about it or work it through and the  other refuses, it is a total disrespect of the relationship. Generally people are reluctant to raise issues unless the issue is of concern and important. Mostly, people raise the issue for the sole purpose of understanding and ultimately maintaining the relationship. So what happens when the other puts up the “hand” or the brake?  Let’s not make the assumption they do not value the relationship – however if one person, is stating “I don’t want to talk about it”, they are saying I do not care about you, your feelings or thoughts. What kind of relationship is that?

The person who refuses to communicate, or participate in learning, holds the power. As the other is bound by that and has no place to go. It is really very mean. But then many times this “power” holder is simply incapable of being reflective, non defensive and reflective about their own role in the issue at hand.  Yes, it is challenging to hear what another has to say ( as often we may not agree – and people are not so great at agreeing to disagree) and yes sometimes we have to look deeply at our own “stuff” which in this day and age of “I am always right” seems to be harder than ever. Sound relationships are build on respect. Respect includes good, sound, fair two-way communication.  Check out our activities board for an upcoming communication workshop – if this is an area where improvement can be made – please join us – for a enlightening if not entertaining number of sessions….  It May Just HELP……